


All Of Me

by googelybear



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mentions of past self harm, Smashley and Craig are best bros, Unhealthy Relationships, mary and damien are siblings, mentions of eating disorders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2018-12-23 03:29:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 6,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11981184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/googelybear/pseuds/googelybear
Summary: Mary Christiansen knows her routine and she knows herself. At least she thinks she does, until she meets a very special girl who makes her reconsider everything.





	1. The Start Of Something New

**Author's Note:**

> I hate Joseph Christiansen with a passion so nothing about him will be positive here so if you like him mayyyyybe don't read this. Also please please please please please pay attention to the tags, there is some dark content at times and I don't want anyone to get triggered. (And yes I did change the work title!!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is named after The start of something new from HSM!!

The first time Mary saw her it was at one of Joseph's shitty barbecues. Craig brought her along to hang out with the girls or something, Mary wasn't really listening anyways. She caught brief glimpses of her from across the backyard and could faintly hear her laughing. She hated that it made her heart flutter and skip a beat when she waved shyly at Mary from across the yard. She hated the way her pale cheeks turned bright red when she smiled at her showing off bright blue braces. She hated that she wished Joseph's cold hands around her waist were hers instead.

Joseph pressed a soft kiss against her cheek and leaned in close to whisper in her ear. "Don't look so sad Mary, it's a party. You should be happy." He says digging his nails into her arm. Mary grits her teeth and flashes a fake, unconvincing smile. "Don't ruin this for me, Mary." He whispers, digging his nails in hard enough to make her flinch and tense up. Mary manages another, slightly more convincing smile. Joseph laughs and kisses her cheek before slipping off to talk to Brian. Mary resists the urge to vomit and forces herself to take in a deep breath and act natural as she saunters over to Robert.

"Hey sailor."

\---------------------------------------------  
Mary finds herself thinking about her for the rest of the night. She knows it's stupid and wrong. She's married. _But Joseph is terrible to you._ She has 4 children. _They could adjust to mom's new girlfriend._ Its wrong. _The whole damn cul du sac is gay no one will care if she is too._ Yes they will, everyone will hate her and think she's disgusting. _You'll get kicked out of the church._ She's Craig's ex-wife. She's not even friends with Craig. _Ex-wife which means you're free to date her._ She doesn't even know her name. _So stop playing chicken and go ask her._ She wouldn't want a tired and depressed alcoholic anyways. _You don't know that. She could fall in love with you._ Mary groans and buries her head in her hands. Why was this so difficult?

"Mary, my dear are you alright?" A soft voice asks from above her. Ah, Dames. Mary slowly drags her hands down her face and looks up at Damien. His head is tilted slightly, a worried expression on his face. A dark purple parasol blocks out the sun and casts them both in shadows.

Mary groans again and let's her head thump softly against his shoulder once he sits beside her, a slim arm wrapped around her shoulders, holding her close to him. " I'm peachy fucking keen Dames." She mumbles into his shoulder.

Damien frowns. "What's wrong?" Mary whines and pushes her face deeper against his shoulder. Damien rubs her back softly until he feels her take in a deep breath and she sits up. He reaches up and gently adjusts her headband and makes sure her mascara isn't smudged. Mary gives him a soft smile and hugs him tightly.

"I love you, special boy."

"I love you too Mary."

 

 

 

 


	2. When Doves Cry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is named after the iconic song When doves cry by Prince!!

Mary sighs and puts her head down on the kitchen table. Wine on an empty stomach is never a good idea but goddammit, it's 3 AM on a Sunday and she can't stop thinking about Craig's cute ex-wife. Mary sighs and bangs her head on the table softly until the _pap pap pap_ of tiny feet on the hardwoods floors draws her out her thoughts.

"Mommy?" A small voice calls from behind her. Slowly lifting her head, Mary finds a pajama clad Christie standing there,tiny hands clutching a teddy bear close to her chest.

Mary rubs her temples and gives Christie a tired smile. "What's wrong hun?" Christie sniffs and shuffles forward, wobbling slighty as she climbs up onto her mother's lap.

"I had a bad dream." She mumbles against Mary's neck, keeping the teddy bear in a vice like grip. Mary hums and rubs Christie's back, unsure of what to say until the little girl eventually dozes off, still tucked against her mother's chest. She was never very good at comforting people. Not even her own kids. Slowly, Mary makes her way upstairs and to the twin's room, gently tucking Christie back into bed and shutting the door behind her. She nearly screams when she sees something behind her only to realize it's Joseph.

"What are you doing?" He asks, glaring at her. Mary rolls her eyes and pushes past him.

"Putting my daughter back to sleep or am I not allowed to care for my children anymore?" She retorts, with a bitter edge to her voice.

Joseph sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "I never said that, Mary."

"You don't have to say it Joseph, I can hear it in your voice. You don't trust me with my own kids, I get it. You think I don't care about them because I don't hover over them 24/7 like you." She says as he reaches out to grab her arm, turning her around to face him.

"No, I think you don't care because you're drunk off your ass at all hours of the day and act like caring for my children is a chore." He stares her down and she stares back, tired brown eyes meeting cold blue ones. Sighing, Joseph let's her go and takes a step back.

Mary barks out a laugh. It's a harsh, bitter sound. "So they're your children now? Because I didn't spend nine months pregnant with them or breastfeed them or care for them when you were off on that damn boat of yours, cheating on me yet again?"

Joseph clenches his fists. "That may be true but who's the real parent here? Who takes them to school every morning? Who makes dinner and packs their lunches? Because it's sure as hell not you considering you're off getting drunk or sleeping around all the time. And if it's not that you're too busy being sick to care for them." He whisper shouts.

A hurt look briefly crosses Mary's face before turning to anger. "Well fuck me Joseph, I'm sorry my depression is such an inconvenience for you. And I'm sorry for being so miserable and lonely in this shitty marriage which clearly means nothing to you since you're the one that's been cheating on me for so many years. Oh and god fucking forgive me for having an eating disorder because obviously none of that will affect my ability to be a mother."

Joseph frowns and opens his mouth to respond before sighing and shaking his head. "Just go to bed Mary, I'm too tired to argue with you right now. I need to be up early for church tomorrow." And with that he goes into the bedroom and closes the door.

Mary glares at the door before slowly making her way back downstairs. She manages to keep herself together long enough to shut the basement door behind her before she breaks down sobbing against the door.  
\---------------------------------------------------

By the time she stops crying it's close to 6 AM and she tiredly drags herself onto the couch where she drifts off, dreaming of a certain woman's warm arms wrapped around her.

 


	3. See You Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See You Again- Hannah Montana

Its been three days since Mary last saw Craig's ex. Three days and she still couldn't stop thinking about her. She hates that she wonders what she'd want for breakfast. She hates that she wonders what it'd be like to live with her. To wake up next someone she actually loves. Someone who won't cheat on her or insult her at every turn.

"Mom."

She jumps nearly knocking the wine glass of the coffe table. Chris stands there, staring at her with the same steely expression. She sighs and runs her fingers through her messy hair. Joseph is out doing god knows what, probably cheating on her again, leaving her home alone with the kids for the day. "What's up, kiddo?" She asks, tugging her hair up into a sloppy bun.

"There's someone at the door." Chris says before turning to leave and go back to playing with Crish. And sure enough the doorbell rings drawing a groan out of Mary as she gets up to open the door.

Standing on the other side of the door, is none other than Craig's cute ex and the twins, holding a small white box. Mary immediately regrets not getting dressed this morning or putting on makeup. She looks like a hot mess with her hair in a messy bun, no makeup, and pajamas.

Craig's ex looks surprised. "Did we wake you? If we did I'm sorry!" She says. God her voice is amazing. Low but not too low and soft like velvet. Now's not the time Mary, get your shit together before you start fawning over your neighbor's ex.

Mary shakes her head and leans against the doorframe. "I was already awake." She says yawning.

"Oh okay!! Well tell her why we're here girls." She says gesturing to the twins.

"We brought cupcakes as an offering for your twins." One of them explains. Mary has no idea which one. She doesn't even know their names, come to think of it.

"So we can make a twins club!" The other one adds, holding out the box. Mary snorts and turns to call the twins only to realize they're right behind her, half hidden behind her legs. She gives them a gentle nudge and Christie steps forward to accept the box.

"We accept your offering." She says in her soft voice and Christian nods.

The Cahn twins high-five and smile at Mary's twins. "Welcome to the club, little bros!!" They shout in unison. God they sound just like their father, Mary thinks to herself. Christian and Christie drop the creepy twin act for a moment and giggle. Mary can't help but smile. She knows they're her kids but still. They're pretty damn cute when they're not being creepy. The twins wave and race across the cul de sac back to their house, leaving Mary alone with Craig's cute ex.

"So um, I'm Smashley by the way. Ashley! I meant Ashley!! Unless you wanna call me Smashley that's cool too. You're Mary right?" Smashley practically shouts, nervously rubbing the back of her neck. She gives Mary a small smile. God she's adorable.

Mary feels a faint blush creeping up her cheeks. "Yeah I'm Mary." Her voice cracks slightly when she says her name and she prays Smashley didn't notice.

Smashley grins. "Nice to meet you, Mary! I should um probably get going but I'll see around!" And with that she waves and heads across the cul du sac back to her house. Mary shuts the door and goes into the kitchen, hoping the twins haven't eaten the whole box of cupcakes already. Seated at the kitchen island, the twins have already started eating the cupcakes. Christian points at a folded piece of paper next to the box.

"That's for you." He says in between bites of cupcake. Mary raises an eyebrow and unfolds the note.

" _Hey, it's Smashley aka the cute girl who smiled at you at the party on Friday. You looked really sad and I wanted to say something to you but I felt like it'd be weird so here's my number if you ever wanna talk! Craig said you were kinda mean but I think you're cute and I was wondering if you wanted hang out sometime? -Smashley"_

Mary is only vaguely aware of her face going bright red and the curious looks from the twins. Craig's cute ex- Smashley just asked her out on a date. 

 


	4. Nü Romantics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nü Romantics- Letlive.

Smashley has never been the kind of person to take more than five minutes to get dressed. Usually she grabs whatever clean clothes are hanging up on her door and just wears that for the day. The only time she ever really puts effort into her outfits is when she's going somewhere special. Like tonight. Well going out for drinks with Mary isn't exactly a formal occasion but she figures she should at least wear something other than ripped jeans and old hoodies like she usually does. Smashley glances over at the clock. 5:45. She still has over an hour to get ready.

Groaning, Smashley flops back onto her bed and pulls a pillow over her face. Why is this so difficult? She's not going to a fancy party, it's just drinks. Hell it's not even a real date. It's just two friends, going out for drinks on a Friday night. So what if one of those friends happens to like the other? They're still just friends and that won't change. Mary is still married to Joseph after all and no matter how miserable they may be, Smashley isn't gonna break up a marriage all because of a stupid schoolgirl crush.

Smashley groans again and rolls over. It's 6:10 now, leaving her 50 minutes to get ready. Somewhere under the pile of pillows on the bed, her phone buzzes. Digging her phone out, Smashley quickly reads the several texts Mary sent.

 _Hey Sailor_  
Joseph's in margaritaville and I don't have a babysitter  
Can't leave the brats alone either  
Wanna come over after they're asleep and get wasted with me?

Smashley frowns slightly and texts back,

_Heyyyy Mare!!  
Yeah I can come over since Craig has the girls for tonight_

Her phone buzzes again,

_Meet me @ 9  
Later nerd_

Smashley snorts and holds her phone against her chest. God she's so cute.

 


	5. We Know The World Can See Us In A Way That's Different Than Who We Are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title comes from Breaking Free also from HSM

Mary Christiansen is by no means a genius. But she's also no fool so when Joseph says he'll be gone until early Sunday morning on a "trip", she resigns herself to spending the weekend alone with four children. Granted, they're her kids but she doesn't trust herself to take care of them for an entire weekend. Joseph ditching her for his latest fuck buddy also means she can't go out with Smashley tonight. The two women had been spending more and more time together over the past few weeks and Mary would never admit it but maybe just maybe, she had the slightest bit of a crush on the other woman. It was wrong, she knew that but there was something about the way the other's laugh and her smile that made Mary's heart flutter and her cheeks go red like she was a teenager all over again. But she wasn't. She was 36 and she was married. With five kids. _Four_ , a small voice in the back of her mind whispers. She winces. That's right, she has four kids, not five. And she's married. _But you're miserable._ And even if none of that were true it doesn't change the fact that they're both women. She could never have a relationship with another woman. Not only would her parents hate her but she'd no doubt be cast out of the church and she'd be ostracized and judged for the rest of her life. Not like she isn't judged already. Her reputation as Joseph's cheating, alcoholic wife who hates her own children gets her enough judgemental glares as it is, imagine what it'd be like if anyone found out she left him for another woman. Mary sighs and heads off to the kitchen, grabbing her phone on the way to text Smashley. She needed a drink.


	6. Hold On To You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold on to you- Natewantstobattle (aka Craig's voice actor)

When Smashley arrived at Mary's house, she wasn't exactly sure what she expected. She'd eventually settled on wearing a simple white blouse that showed off a bit of her chest but not too much and a velvety black skirt. Granted, it was fancier than necessary but she damn did she look good and she doubted Mary would care. 

Smashley had already run through every possible scenario; both good and bad before she arrived but no amount of anxiety fueled overthinking could've prepared her for actually seeing Mary. Nervously running her fingers through her hair one last time, Smashley takes a deep breath and puts on the most genuine smile she can before ringing the doorbell. There's a soft thump and muffled cursing from inside before the door swings open, revealing a tired looking Mary, cradling a toddler with one hand and her shin with the other. "Hey sailor." She says, leaning against the doorframe. 

Smashley instantly goes for the brown eyed toddler in Mary's arms, mumbling a brief hello to her friend. "Who's this little guy?" She asks, poking the baby's fat cheeks. Crish giggles and reaches for Smashley's hand.

Mary smiles softly and bounces the toddler on her hip, "Crish. Terrible name I know, it's Joseph's fault. Make yourself at home." She says over her shoulder. 

Smashley snorts and follows Mary inside, still poking Crish's chubby cheeks. Mary curls up in a comfortable-looking chair in the corner of the room. "So this is the elusive Crish I've heard so much about. He looks just like you." She says, resisting the urge to fling herself onto the couch. The black velvet skirt she was currently wearing was cute and made her ass look amazing but she'd failed to take into account just how thick her thighs actually were and made sitting without splitting a seam or cutting off blood circulation to half her body a struggle. 

Mary tilts her head and looks at the toddler currently laying on her chest, toying with the cross around her neck who copies the motion. "Yeah, unlike his siblings." She replied, gesturing at a framed picture behind Smashley. Tilting her head back, Smashley spots a picture of three blonde haired, blue eyed children. Like three mini Joseph's. Only Crish and the vaguely annoyed expression on the oldest child's face resembled Mary. They were cute kids though, she had to admit. Even if the twins hollow smiles sent shivers down her spine, they were still pretty cute kids.

"Damn."

Mary barks out a bitter laugh, "Naturally, that's damn Joseph's fault too. My own kids don't even look like me." Her voice cracks slightly on the last word and Smashley can see her hands trembling as reaches for the wine glass on the coffee table. 

"What happened between you two? Smashley asks, "If you don't mind me asking of course." She hastily adds on. 

"It's a long story kiddo, you sure you wanna know?" Mary cocks a single eyebrow, making eye contact over the rim of her wine glass. 

Smashley nods. "Tell me everything." 

Mary shrugs, careful not to disturb, a now sleeping Crish laying on her chest. She takes one last deep breath and reaches for the bottle on the table, "Gonna need a lot of wine if we're gonna do this."  
\---------------------------------------------  
Ashley Cahn is not an angry person and it's rare that anything ever really makes her upset. But tonight is a different kind of night. Tonight she's in her crush's living room, holding said crush against her chest as she cries, Crish having been placed upstairs some time ago. And Ashley Cahn has never to punch a human being in the mouth than she wanted to punch Joseph Christiansen in that moment. 

It's close to 3 AM when Mary dozes off against her chest and Smashley gently covers her with a blanket and kisses her forehead. Mary shifts slightly but doesn't wake up. Smashley quietly lets herself out and heads home, the sound of Mary crying echoing in her head the whole way.


	7. Girl That You Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Girl that you love- panic!at the disco 
> 
> Sorry this is one is kinda short y'all!!

"Craiggory, I need advice." Smashley announces as she all but kicks open the back door, startling Craig with River strapped to his back as he does push ups. 

"What's up, Smash?" He only recieves a grunt in response as Smashley hops down the stairs and flops face down next to Craig. She lays there for a moment before rolling over and groaning as she runs her hands down her face. 

"I'm pretty sure I'm falling in love with Mary but obviously I can't date her since she's still married to Joseph and I'm not gonna like destroy a marriage over a crush yknow? But like I think she kinda likes me too and that's bad and I don't know what to do." Smashley quickly shuts her mouth, realizing she's rambling. 

"Oh. That is bad, dude." Smashley nods. 

"I guess you just gotta like repress your feelings and be the next best thing and just be friends? I don't know that's what I did with Nate. Except we're together now so I guess that wasn't very helpful." Craig's voice drops off at the end and he gives Smashley a sympathetic look. 

Smashley sighs, "Yeah I figured that'd be your answer. 

"Sorry bro, wish I could be more helpful." River hurgles in agreement from her position on his back. 

"Nah it's okay, I'll figure something out I guess." Smashley sits up and adjusts her glasses, watching a squirrel scurry up a tree.

"Hey. I know what'll cheer you up, Craig grins at her, Push up contest."

Smashley's eyes widen, "Oh you're on!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God this chapter was hell to write I can't tell y'all how many drafts I went through before settling on this one


	8. Ghost Of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you didn't heed the tags already major major major trigger warnings in this chapter for flashbacks of sexual abuse and implications of r*pe so please be careful anything past the line separating paragraphs is triggering content so if you don't wanna see it, stop there and I'll give a brief rundown of the chapter in the next one so y'all don't get confused ✌

Mary drops the papers on the kitchen island where Joseph is sitting, nursing a cup of coffee. "I want a divorce." She says, crossing her arms over her chest.

Joseph looks up at her and sighs heavily. "Mary, we've been over this. We can't divorce, not now. What would the church think of us? What about the kids? What ever happened to pretending be happy? For them?" He says slowly as if explaining a complicated subject to a child.

Mary leans against the island and pushes the papers towards him. "Honestly? I couldn't care less about what the church thinks of either of us and it's not like us getting a divorce would destroy their childhood. And in case you haven't noticed I gave up on pretending to be happy a long time ago."

Joseph groans and pinches the bridge of his nose. She can see his patience wearing thin. Good. She shouldn't be the only one who's tired here. "Mary. We can't. And yes I'm aware that you've stopped caring but that doesn't mean I have." Mary snorts and rolls her eyes from over the rim of her wine glass.

God. It's barely 10 AM and she's already drinking. Joseph moves to place the coffee mug in the sink and Mary catches him by the arm. "Face it Joe, you're just as miserable as I am in this shitty marriage. There's no point in us being together anymore. Just sign the damn papers and you're free to sleep around as much as you want."

Joseph sighs and shakes her off, "I said no Mary and that's the end of this discussion." Joseph says.

Mary glares and crosses her arms as he walks out. "You can't keep running from your problems Joseph. Someday you're gonna have to grow a pair and quit being a coward." She calls after him.

Joseph snorts but doesn't turn to face her. "That's real funny coming from the woman who's been running from her problems for years and drinks to forget instead of acknowledging anything. Tell me Mary, when are _you_ going to stop being a coward? When will _you_ stop running from something that happened years ago? When will _you_ as you so eloquently put it, "grow a pair"?" And with that he's gone.

Ouch. That was a low blow.

Mary slowly sinks into a chair at the kitchen island and tries to control her shaking hands. "When will you stop running from something that happened years ago?" Whether or not she faces her past is none of Joseph's goddamn business. What does he know anyway? He's never known what it's like to have all sense of control stripped away from you. What it's like to keep something like that a secret for so long. What it's like to be sick every time someone touches you and not be able to do anything about it.

Her hands are shaking harder now. She was doing such a good job of not thinking about it. Of keeping those memories locked up in a box shoved in the back of her mind but of course damn Joseph just had to go and open it up. God, she's gonna be sick. She feels 13 again, back against the wall, tears rolling down her cheeks.  
\---------------------------------------------  
_This isn't the first time._

_Cold hands on her stomach, skirt pushed up around her hips._

_Kisses against her neck as she cries._

_The sound of buttons hitting the ground and muffled cursing. She cries harder._

_She_ _knows_ _this_ _won't_ _be_ _the_ _last_ _either_.  
\---------------------------------------------  
_Again_. _She's 16 this time and absolutely shitfaced._  
  
_She should've listened to Damien. He was right. She should've stayed home but it's too late now._

_She leans back against the pillows and covers her face with her hands, in a weak attempt to muffle her cries._  
\---------------------------------------------  
_She should really know better by now. She should really stop being so naive. Mary sighs and doesn't fight back this time. She probably deserves this anyways._  
\---------------------------------------------  
_This_ _time_ _will_ _be_ _different_ _she_ _tells_ _herself_. _Joseph_ _will_ _be_ _different_ , _she_ _tells_ _herself_. _She's_ _not_ _convinced_.  
\---------------------------------------------  
_The_ _sting_ _of_ _Joseph's_ _cheating_ _shouldn't_ _hurt_ _her_ _so_ _much_. _She_ _should_ _be_ _used_ _to_ _it_ _by_ _now_. _I_ _trusted_   _you_ , _she_ _wants_ _to_ _scream_. _Why? Why? Why? She wants to ask. But nothing comes out. Instead she just cries._  
\---------------------------------------------  
_Somehow_ , _hitting_ _Robert_ _doesn't_ _feel_ _as_ _good_ _as_ _she_ _expected_ _it_ _to_. _Instead_ _she_ _just_ _feels_ _hollow_ _and_ _tired_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ghost of you- Selena Gomez and the scene


	9. I Ran So Far Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live!! Sorry about the long wait for a new chapter, writers block is a bitch but I pulled through!! Tysm for sticking with this fic and leaving kudos and comments!! Y'all are amazing!!

In all the years Robert has known Mary not once has he seen her cry. Not once in 5 years has he seen her cry. Not even after finding out about the affair. Somehow the idea of Mary crying at all just seemed... wrong. So when she turns up on his doorstep at 10:30 on Saturday morning still in her pajamas and sobbing, Robert has no idea what to do. Hell she doesn't even have shoes on, just a pair of grey socks with cats on them.

It quickly occurs to him that he has no idea how to comfort someone who looks like they're in the middle of a breakdown but he can't just leave her outside either so he carefully guides her inside and to the couch, noticing how she not-so-subtly tenses up when he gently touches her shoulders. He briefly wonders what in the fuck could make someone as strong as Mary break down sobbing and tense up like that when touched before the oh-so-obvious answer comes to him.

Joseph.

If there was anyone or anything that would ever make her cry it'd have to be Joseph fucking Christiansen. Robert has no idea what Jospeh did this time but whatever it was must've been pretty bad if it made Mary cry. Not for the first time that morning, Robert considers beating the shit out of Joseph but figures he should at least figure out what he did and actually get Mary to stop crying first.

Unsure of what to do, he fidgets with the hem of his shirt, well aware that he's got no pants on but not really caring. Eventually he realizes that Mary has stop crying to some degree and is now occupied with petting Betsy and staring off into space.

Robert Small is not a gentle man. He's not known for being tactful or "soft" either. And he knows Mary Christiansen. Mary who snorts when she laughs. Mary who sings to cats at the shelter. Mary who always has a smart comeback and a glass of wine in her hands. Mary who doesn't give a shit what others think of her.

But right now all of that is gone and all he can see is Mary who looks exhausted and scared. And for once Robert can say he's genuinely worried for another human being.

Gently, he nudges her shoulder and he has to fight the urge to walk across the cul du sac and knock Joseph's teeth out again when she jumps a little and turns her tired gaze to him. "Hey sailor." She mumbles.

"What'd he do this time?" Robert asks, tilting his head and sitting on the floor bedside the couch.

Mary hums and avoids meeting his gaze, turning her attention to Betsy who's curled up in Mary's lap snoring softly. "You don't wanna know." She says, shaking her head.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, I'll still kick his ass for making you cry." He says.

Mary snorts and rolls her eyes. "Be my guest, lord knows I've wanted to do it for years." She says, her voice cracking on the last words. Robert casts her what he hopes is a somewhat sympathetic look but he probably just looks angry. "We got into another fight. I said I wanted a divorce. He got pissy and said some stuff." She finally elaborates after a long pause.

"What'd he say?" Leave it to fucking Joseph to open his mouth and ruin everything.

Mary gently moves Betsy off her lap and draws her knees up to her chest. "You have to promise me you won't say this to anyone else." She says solemnly.

"Cross my heart and hope to die."

Mary takes a deep breath before she begins, "When I was a kid...."  
\---------------------------------------------  
"...And the only people who know besides you, are Dames and Joseph." She finishes, tears rolling down her cheeks again.

Robert has never considered himself an angry or even violent person. Yeah he likes knives and isn't above threatening people but he's never actually acted on those threats. But he'd be lying if he said he wasn't seriously considering walking across the cul du sac with a knife and ending Joseph's bullshit once and for all. The only thing really stopping him was the thought of traumatizing Mary's kids and her tight grip on his arm.

"Please don't kill my husband." Mary's soft voice snaps Robert out of his thoughts and he narrows his eyes at her.

"If you kill him and get arrested who's gonna go drinking with me? Can't take Dames, he's a lightweight and I hate everyone else in this neighborhood. 'sides I need someone who gets my humor." She says, finally letting go of his arm.

Robert snorts and rolls his eyes. "Who said I'd get caught? I know how to get away with murder."

"Yeah and I know how to be nice." She says, laughing.

Robert smiles a little. At least she seems back to normal. "At least let me punch him." He says as she stands and stretches.

"Knock yourself out. I'll play dumb if anyone asks what happened." She says as she makes her way to door, stopping to grab one of Robert's signature red shirts.

"I'm stealing this by the way!" She says over her shoulder.

"Fuck you!" Robert calls back, too lazy to get up.

"Maybe someday, sailor!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ran (so far away)- a flock of seagulls


	10. Memories Of A Broken Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mary reflects on all the red flags she ignored throughout her relationship with Joseph.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Memories of a broken heart- crown the empire

It started small. Just little comments here and there.

_"You'd look so pretty if you dyed your hair, Mary."_

_"You should wear makeup more often it makes you look good, Mary."_

_"You'd look so much better if you didn't always wear ripped up clothes, Mary."_

And so she did. She wanted to make Joseph happy after all.

Then it started to escalate.

_"You can't just leave without telling me, Mary! What if something happened to you?"_

_"You're too old to be staying out partying all night, Mary."_

_"Sex before marriage is a sin, Mary. You don't wanna go to hell for sinning do you?"_

_"But it wasn't my fault! I never asked for it!" She wanted to argue but never did._

And then it escalated some more.

_"We have to get married soon, Mary."_

_"But I'm not ready." She wanted to say but never did_.

_"We need to have kids soon, Mary."_

_"But I'm not ready to be a mother yet." She wanted to say but never did._

Joseph never seemed to care what she wanted but she pushed that aside. He only wanted to do what was best for her after all, right?

Then Christopher Christiansen (she always thought it was a stupid name) was born.

_"You're a mother now Mary, you can't stay out late every night."_

_"But I'm not ready to be a mother! She wanted to scream, I don't know what I'm doing!" But she never did._

They moved to Maple Bay, a cute sea-side town that would've made the old Mary sick. But she was a mother and the wife of a soon-to-be minister. This was supposed to be perfect for them and she didn't wanna risk ruining everything like she usually does.

Soon after that, her beloved twin moved in with his husband only two houses down from them. Mary adapted to her new, if not boring, normal. She stayed home and took care of the kids while Joseph worked at the church as a youth minister. She picked Chris up from school and soccer practice and hung out with Damien in her free time. She got to know her nephew, Lucien and took Damien to all his appointments and cried when he got his first T shot. She helped him take care of Lucien after Henry died and for a while things were okay.

The twins were born and Chris became a big brother. Mary and Damien volunteered at the shelter on the weekends. Lucien started 5th grade. Mary managed to ignore Joseph's suspicious behavior and brushed off Damien's concerns. He's not abusing her, he just wants what's best for her.

God, how she'd come to regret that decision later.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and feedback greatly appreciated!! Thank you to everyone who's stuck with this story since day one and everyone who's new to the story, thank you for reading!! (Sorry about long update times)


	11. Wake Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wake up- black veil brides

  
To be entirely honest, Mary didn't really know her neighbor's names. With Joseph keeping her confined in the house all day it's not like she had many opportunities to meet any of them anyways. So when the mysterious guy that lived next door suddenly turned up on her doorstep looking guilty as all hell she was understandably confused.

The kids are at school and Joseph is at work so it's just her and she hesitantly invites him inside, feeling far too sober to deal with this right now. Robert, she learns is his name, sits on the couch and fiddles with the hem of his tattered red shirt and avoids eye contact with her. Before she can ask anything, he takes a deep breath and confesses everything. How he'd become a hermit since his wife's death, how Joseph had come onto him one night at the bar, how he'd said that he was in the process of a messy divorce with his wife and how no one should be lonely _(exactly what he told Mary in college)_. He told her everything about the affair and how Joseph left him for one of the mothers at the church. It's not until the wine glass in Mary's hand shatters from how hard she'd been gripping it that he stops talking.

It all clicks, him confining her to the house, his controlling behavior, Damien's concerns, him never listening to her. She wants to be angry. She wants to scream at him and hate him with everything in her. But the genuine regret and sadness in his eyes stops her. She's vaguely aware of sting of glass shards in her hand but pays it no mind. Instead she just takes a deep breath and sobs. She continues to sob as Robert removes the glass from her hand and wraps it in a towel until it stops bleeding. She continues to sob as Robert searches for a first aid kid to patch up her hand and she's still sobbing when Joseph comes home, long after Robert has left. She hasn't cried like this since she was 26 and Joseph was attempting to console her after the miscarriage. She keeps sobbing even as she weakly hits Joseph and screams at him to leave her alone.

She's not sure when but eventually she stops crying and goes upstairs, beyond tired and flops face first onto the bed and slips into a dreamless sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and feedback greatly appreciated!!


	12. Missing You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Missing you- all time low

The first time Mary was ever truly alone in her life was college. After spending 18 years with her twin brother, it felt weird being alone. Of course, she had a phone and could call him whenever she wanted but it wasn't the same as having him there with her. She was in a dorm by herself, at a school 6 hours away from her brother and 10 hours away from their parents. Yes, she was grateful she got a scholarship to her dream school in her dream field but she missed her brother. She'd been the one to protect him from bullies and stayed up late watching old cartoons with him after his first breakup. Who was gonna be there for him now?

Mary sighed and pulled a pillow over her face. She was probably just overreacting and worrying too much. Damien would be fine on his own, he didn't need her to worry about him 24/7.  
\---------------------------------------------  
In 18 years of life Ashley Jeanelle Lao, had never truly been alone before. With two sisters, a cat, and her parents home at varying times, alone time was rare in the Lao household. Not that it ever bothered her. She was a fairly social person and got along with most people, looks be damned. Although college was a totally different monster compared to high school. Moving away from the only home she'd ever known was hard enough as is and moving again for college was twice as hard. Yeah, she was only a few hours away from her parents and younger sister and yet she still felt so alone. Her roommate, a girl named Darby seemed pretty nice but she still missed her family.

Ashley sighed and hauled the final box out of the car, watching sadly as her sister's car drove off. She'd miss her sisters even if they were a massive pain in the ass sometimes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback and kudos appreciated!! Also fun fact: I headcanon smashley to be mixed Chinese and Filipino

**Author's Note:**

> This my first fic here and my summary is shit but give me time and I'll improve!! Feedback and kudos are greatly appreciated!! Thanks for reading!!


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